in my e-mail…crap

i thought this was worthy of posting only because, well, i don’t do the spam or chain thing.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:1. She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”

2. She is not a “SCREAMER” or a “MOANER” – She is “VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.”

3. She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”

4. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” – She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”

5. She has not “BEEN AROUND” – She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”

6. She is not an “AIRHEAD” – She is “REALITY IMPAIRED.”

7. She does not get “DRUNK” or “TIPSY” – She gets “CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.”

8. She does not have “BREAST IMPLANTS” – She is “MEDICALLY ENHANCED.”

9. She does not “NAG” you – She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”

10. She is not a “TRAMP” – She is “SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.”

11. She does not have “MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS” – She is “PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.”

12. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a “BEER GUT” – He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”

2. He is not a “BAD DANCER” – He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”

3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” – He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”

4. He is not “BALDING” – He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”

5. He is not a “CRADLE ROBBER” – He prefers “GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.”

6. He does not get “FALLING-DOWN DRUNK” – He becomes “ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.”

7. He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” – He develops a case of “RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”

8. He is not a “MALE CHAUVINIST PIG” – He has “SWINE EMPATHY.”

9. He is not afraid of “COMMITMENT” – He is “RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.”

10. He is not “HORNY” – He is “SEXUALLY FOCUSED.”

11. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE”

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